Saturday, October 24, 2009

Saturday is a special day...

...It's the day we try desperately to get enough done as to not feel completely overwhelmed during the subsequent week.

So I'm planning a day of non-stop homework and studying. I have a ton to do this week, and everything will be made exponentially better if I at least get everything done due up to Wednesday. We'll see...

OH! So I am officially an official print journalism major in the official department of communications in the official school of fine arts and communications. Woo! I feel really good about this major, and I feel even more good about pairing it with philosophy. For the first time in a while, I feel like I'm figuring out my undergrad. Now I just need to get my GPA up and start studying for the GRE to make sure I get into a good grad school.

Also, I love that Provo is being cool and staying warm so far this fall. Thanks Provo!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Whenever there is rain

So the last three weeks have been pretty miserable for me. I've felt pretty lonely and distant from those around me, and I've been completely overwhelmed with the amount of school work I've had. I'm also falling back into that unhealthy compulsive perfection I seem to get myself into every once and a while.

About an hour ago, I got a less-than-desirable grade on a midterm.

So I walked out of the testing center into the rain. The rain. Probably the most metaphorical symbol of despair I can possibly think of. But I had remembered a blog post I read recently on a friend's blog about how one day when she was walking home from campus in a rain storm, trying to stay dry, she noticed another girl who openly accepted the rain by letting herself be soaked by it. This influenced my friend to open up to it, too.

So that's what I did. I closed my umbrella, put down my hood, and pushed up my jacket sleeves. Right after I did this I looked to my left and saw the biggest, most vibrant rainbow I had ever seen in my life arching over Y Mountain. I pulled out my cell phone for pictures, which simply do not do it justice.

I immediately though of the first line to a primary hymn: "I like to look for rainbows whenever there is rain."

God blesses me with so many good things, so many rainbows, that I simply overlook. Sometimes it takes loneliness, anxiety, and rain for me to notice all of these blessings. I just have to be willing to open up to these blessings, especially when there's rain.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Prince Charming

I wrote this a while ago. It's not great, but I thought it was pretty good for what it is.

I'm not waiting for prince charming.
Prince charming is supposedly going to rescue me,
but I don't need to be rescued;
I'm quite good at rescuing myself,
I'm not waiting for prince charming because
I like smart, witty, and sarcastic,
and charming is overrated.
I'm not waiting for prince charming.
I'm waiting for prince flawed,
Prince imperfect,
Prince vulnerable,
to share in my flaws, imperfections, and vulnerabilities.
(Because, let's be honest, I'm no princess.)
I'm not waiting for prince charming.
I am, however, waiting for someone.
Someone to love me more than he loves himself;
Someone to be young with;
Someone to be old with;
Someone to spend eternity with;
Someone with whom I will create worlds and universes without number,
In a perfect, beautiful, egalitarian eternity.