Even though I haven't grown a foot or two...

So I had my final interview with my stake president yesterday, and my mission papers are officially in.

I honestly don't think I've ever been more excited for anything in my life.

When I was little, I wanted a dog. But after thinking about it long enough, I would always decide that I didn't want one because I would be too sad when he died.

I think this is why falling in love scares me to death.

Dandelions

When I was four years old, my preschool teacher was Mrs. J. I don't remember a whole lot else from preschool, but I remember that blue and yellow makes green. I remember that you can make play dough out of flour and water. And I remember the dandelions.

When it was warm enough outside, we spent time playing in Mrs. J's backyard. (She was usually inside, as I remember it, making play dough out of flour and water.) There were patches of dandelions next to her old wooden fence. My four-year-old mind did not consider these dandelions weeds. My four-year-old hands did not hold them as if they were valueless. I remember noticing the juxtaposition of the bright yellow petals next to the deep green of the grass. I remember examining many of them individually, how some of them had more petals than others, how some of the petals curled in while others stuck straight out, how some of the petals criss-crossed, how some of the stems courageously brought the flowers almost up to my four-year-old knees while others kept the flowers safely close to the ground. These were not weeds; they were art.

We would often pick these dandelions in large numbers and take our bouquets inside. We would proudly present them to Mrs. J. I remember her bringing out small paper cups, filling them part way with water, placing the dandelions in them, and putting them on the window sill in her kitchen to enjoy the sun. The dandelions weren't weeds to her, either.

Christ sees me like I saw dandelions as a child. I am not a weed. I am something He notices the individuality of, something He gathers, something He presents to others in a way for them to appreciate. He sees beauty where others cannot.

16 years later, it's Spring in Provo. I often walk past front yards filled with dandelions. I remember back to the spot next to the fence in Mrs. J's backyard, and to the paper cups lining her kitchen window. I continue now, as I did when I was four years old, to not only consider the lillies, but also the dandelions.

This semester

I have to be honest when I say that I'm really disappointed with this semester. I'm taking 18 credit hours and working 20 hours a week, and while I've had similar work loads in semesters past, I'm taking all 300- and 400-level major classes and TAing for 2 classes this semester. I feel like I've been so over my head that everything I've produced this semester has been mediocre, at best. All of my assignments, all of my tests, all of my papers have been far below the level of success I'm capable of. What bothers me the most isn't that I'm not going to get all A's, but that professors whom I greatly respect and admire now have reason to doubt my intelligence. That bothers me more than any bad grade I could get. Prospective grades: Epistemology- B+/A-; Metalogic- A-/A; Philosophy of Language- B/B+; Philosophy of Theology- A; Media Law- A-/A; Research Methods for Journalism- A. We'll see what happens.

7 more days of class.

Il me manque

When I think too much about this boy...

I miss him so much I look up prices on airfare to Ireland.

RESS, EFY, and other accronyms

So I submitted a paper to BYU's Religious Education Student Symposium back in January, and it got accepted. So I'll be presenting it on the 19th and, hopefully, getting some money out of it. I wrote the paper for my Mormon Women's History class last semester, and it's on the influence of the Relief Society Magazine on the standardization of American LDS female culture. And my mom's coming up to Utah that weekend, so that's way exciting.

I also found out yesterday that I got hired to work three sessions of EFY in San Antonio this summer!! I'm so excited. I'll be home for a few days after spring term, then I'll be in San Antonio for two weeks, then again for another week in August. And I'll be doing my mission papers over spring term, so I should be expecting my mission call sometime in June/July. I'll probably work at Purple Cow the other weeks up until I leave.

Oh, and this has been an unusually warm winter for Provo.

Everything is kind of a little really awesome right now.

Happiness is...

-"Classy" dinner parties with friends. (Classy in quotation marks because, well, how classy can you get with mismatching plates.) Last night I invited some friends over for dinner. I made vegetable lasagna and French bread with homemade garlic butter. The bread wasn't homemade. Well, it was Smith's-made, if that counts.

-Having the best job on campus working for the best professor on campus. This is my third semester TAing for Phil 205 and 305 (deductive and predicate logic), and I love it. I love how much better I understand logic after teaching it so much, and the weird things to which I connect it in my life.

-Loving all my classes. I'm taking a full class load this semester: six three-credit-hour classes. But it's a good thing I love all of them. I'm taking:

1. Epistemology. Episteme is Greek for knowledge, logy is Greek of study of (roughly). I'm taking this from one of my favorite professors in the philosophy department; one of my favorites because I feel like I do more philosophy in his classes than I do worrying about grades.
2. Metalogic. Can anyone say hard? 99% of this class is way over my head, but as of now, I'm at least treading water in it. Luckily I work for the professor who teaches it, and he understands how difficult the class is (it was originally taught as a 400-level class in the math department, they didn't want to teach it anymore, so philosophy teaches it by historical precedent). So I imagine if I work as hard as I can, I can get away with an A.
3. Philosophy of Language. So far, so good. We haven't studied language so much as we've talked about what philosophy is, but I'm looking forward to the material.
4. Philosophy of Theology/Reading Scripture. Probably my favorite class this semester. We spent the entire class on Wednesday just talking about Genesis 2:1-3.
5. Media Law and Ethics. I love studying the First Amendment, and I have a soft spot for law and government (thanks to my AP government teacher in high school). The professor is awesome, as well. She has law experience and used to teach at BYU's law school, and she's a lot of fun to listen to.
6. Research Methods for Journalism. I'll be honest, one of the most intimidating things about being a journalist to me is how overwhelming it is to get accurate, well-cited information. I think this will be a great class to learn about more resources. Also, it's supposed to be a 2 and a half hour class, but the professor said he'll usually cut it short. I won't complain.

-Realizing that I could bring my GPA up to a 3.7 if I make this another straight-A semester and retake a few classes in which I made less-than-desirable grades my freshman year. I've really been interested in good graduate schools for journalism (Columbia, Northwestern, and UC Berkley), and if I can get my grades up high enough, I have a shot at grant money and scholarships.

-Looking forward to the future. I'm spending spring in Provo, and I'm going on a mission this fall. It's weird to think that I've wanted to serve a mission for as long as I can remember, and this is the year.