Let's start with the beginning of last April. I was SO EXCITED TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE.
I ran out of the Marriott Center with my sample diploma and non-returnable polyester cap and gown feeling prett-tay good about myself.
Armed with my Philosophy BA, I felt like I could do anything.
I knew we were only going to be in Provo for another four months, but I still wanted to find a job. I had professional work experience and a college degree. I was sure I would find something that I liked and paid well. I was totally confident in my ability to take on the job market.
Oh boy was I wrong. Rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection. Overqualified. Underqualified. Not enough experience. Won't be here long enough.
The summer that I was expecting to be a lot of this
Ended up being a whole lot more of this
Which led to feeling a lot like this
And pretty much every day turned into feeling like this
And there was definitely a lot of this
I had a few job interviews. I would inevitably get my hopes up for them, only for things to turn out like this
And I started to believe that I made horrible, terrible, irrevocable mistakes in my life.
My wonderful, kind, thoughtful husband assured me that everything was okay. But I didn't think so.
I scraped through the summer. I was looking forward to moving to Columbus being a new start. I was hopeful.
And very soon after moving, I did find a job as a teacher's assistant at a daycare.
And I really did like it for awhile. I liked being with kids, but I didn't fit in with my coworkers or the work environment. I always felt a little out of place.
But I dealt with it. Even all the terrible poopy diapers.
And the vomit.
And that one time I had to get the steam cleaner to clean poop out of a rug.
And then the double standards with some of us being expected to follow rules that others weren't.
At month 7 of this job, my mornings became consistently like this
Monday mornings were particularly bad.
I was incredibly unhappy. The most unhappy I've ever been.
I felt incredibly stagnant. I wasn't doing at all what I thought I was going to. But I felt stuck because what else was I going to do? The whole situation was terribly frustrating.
And then I realized something important: I have more choices than I think I do.
And I realized that it's not okay to do things that make you unhappy because you feel like you're supposed to do them.
So I quit my job.
And it's okay. We're fine on Nathan's student stipend and I'm finding good, productive ways to fill my time. I'm finishing up my application to OSU's City and Regional Planning Master's Program. I'm super nervous about it.
Hopefully the admissions committee will, in their all-powerful mercy, look favorably upon my liberal arts degree and 3.6 gpa.
But even if they don't, that's okay. I'll find other ways to spend my time with things that make me happy.
Especially because I have someone who loves me a lot.
I know I'm probably going to have some more days like this
But here's to hoping most of them are like this