It's been about 2 1/2 years since I learned that Joseph Smith shot 3 people before he died. Learning this sent me down a path of discovering more under-the-cover Church history that entirely shook my faith. Luckily, I was able to find resources like Sunstone, Mormon Stories, and various blogs that helped me navigate the waters of re-figuring out what I believed religiously and spiritually. I feel like I've found solid ground again. Still with a testimony of Christ, His teachings, and His Church, but perhaps with a bit more sarcastic, self-deprecating, genuine foundation. There are plenty of things that I struggle with (ask me about polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom, and I'll tell you about how the idea of love is completely ruined for me), but I find so much comfort in the words of Peter.
At the end of John 6, after Christ gave the Bread of Life sermon, John writes that many of His disciples "walked no more with Him." Christ then looked at His apostles and asked them if they were going to leave Him, too. Peter, acting as the spokesman for the 12, could have just said, "no, we're staying with you." Rather, he says something so beautiful, so profound: "Lord, to whom shall we go?"
Peter's response so concisely, yet so eloquently, encompasses exactly how I feel. While my faith constantly takes punches from history, doctrine, and culture, I know that there is nothing else. No organization more perfect, no community so comforting. There is so much beauty, so much truth, so much deep philosophical doctrine in this Church, and I stand with Peter when we ask, "Lord, to whom shall we go?"